11.7

Contemplation

I rarely talked about myself, but today I really feel like exploding as I tried and hid all the unpleasant feeling I got from the school. I feel left out and superfluous. The teacher does not need a volunteer and I am allowed to stay in the classroom and help any students, BUT,  I am not needed. Not by the teachers and rarely by the students. I also hate myself from being so scared. Scared about starting conversation with other teachers and about asking for things to do. Today Sasa was not in part of the morning class due to a doctor appointment and she didnt tell me. I think it might be beacause she thought it is not necessary. However, I gathered she thought so as she regards me as unimportant. You know, like what is the point of telling Cindy. She is just a volunteer, doesn't help to maintain the order of the class and not there to teach. (Even so, I am happy that today I could maintain discipline in class while no teacher was there. I said "I think not it is the reading time rather than the talking time.")

I think I really need to do something, like asking to change classes or to get more work from Sasa if I am not getting to do TA job.